Spiral
by LoveOnMyMind
Summary: Clare is introduced to the world of drugs. Eli abuses alcohol. They are both out of control and they thrive off of it.Will they spiral into their own pit of destruction or is there a light in the tunnel?
1. Chapter 1

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Clare

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I put the blunt to my lips and I breathed in the smoke as it filled the inside of my lungs. I took another hit; a light cough escaped my mouth. It's funny how I still cough from how many times I have done this. My fingers intertwined with the grass. I am lying on my stomach in the park the only thing separating my body from the grass is my old blue and white striped blanket. My grandma and I made the blanket when I was little…..Oh the irony if my grandma knew what I was doing she would do backflips in her grave.

I miss being young, well scratch that I am still very young I am 16 years old and a junior at Degrassi. This year my life feels like it's been spiraling out of control. Scratch that again it doesn't feel I _know _my life is spiraling out of control. The sick part of it is I kind of enjoy it.

My parents got a divorce boom there goes my faith. Then I got a boyfriend boom there goes my self-respect and confidence. My boyfriend cheats on me and I know it. I can't quit Jake.

He introduced me to the life of drugs and how great it is. I can finally escape the yells from my parents. I can finally escape all the pressures of being perfect. I am addicted to the monsters. I used to be the role model student, now look at me. I am addicted to drugs.

Who would have thought Clare Edwards? A druggie, I laugh menacingly to myself.

_Saint Clare_, they would call me. I took a 2 more hits I could feel my body feel lighter like a feather. Even colors seemed to seem brighter to me. I searched in my white bag to find a bag filled with sliced up apples. Jake always makes fun of me for my choice of munchies. I started to giggle the park was empty at this time of the night.

Once you get involved in the drug world there's no way of coming out. I am getting deeper and deeper into it. It all started after I gave Jake my virginity…..

He used me… made me feel worthless. I gave him everything he wanted. How could I almost give him something so valuable? My virginity. My innocence. I could never give something so treasured away to boy who didn't care about me at all and once it's gone, I could never get it back. How unbelievably beautiful someone's virginity is. I only get one chance and that one chance forever shaped my memories. From an early age I was taught how I need to preserve my innocence until my wedding night with my husband. This year I don't care. Where was God when my parents got divorced? Where was God when I was sexually harassed?

I can't leave Jake I gave him everything and he's my only source to…._that world_.

I need _that world._

I crave _that world._

I have never loved the feeling of not being in control. I used to be such a control freak….I took another hit before.

I felt my phone beep, I took it out and read the text

_Babe, meet me at Fitz's pad, a bunch of us brought the good stuff._

I felt the eagerness in my stomach explode in excitement I could finally get a real high.

I replied quickly,

_On my way._

I quickly pack up and roll up the blanket. I flinch a little bit because I remember my grandma once again. Then I started to laugh for no apparent reason.

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Eli

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I'm walking forward. I'm walking straight into the horizon and not looking back. The fake I.D. is burning the seams of my tight black jeans. The urge to drink lingers in my throat. I am thirsty for the poison. I want to forget about

Her.

There hasn't been a day that my thoughts haven't revolved around her.

What would she do if she was still alive? Why am I still here? I don't deserve it.

The urge in throat starts to increase in desire. The blood in my veins starts to crave it. My world was her.

Now it's about finding out where I could get my next drink, the next buzz.

I enter the store. The door feels ten times heavier than yesterday, as if trying to persuade me to go back and forget about this place.

I don't listen just like yesterday.

I grab the first bottle I find, it feels like ice against my burning skin making a warm tingling feeling. I make it to the cashier who was wearing a striped shirt with missing blue button with white shorts. I noticed his choice of fashion because it's the complete opposite of my dark attire I choose to wear.

I set the bottle of alcohol my weakness.

"I.D please"

My name is Eli, I am seventeen, and I am an alcoholic.

It really is a sick disease and I dwell in it. I love it because I deserve the pain….How could I live when Julia isn't able to breathe once more.

I showed the cashier my I.D, he looked at the picture and back at me. I could see doubts but the I.D looked authentic thanks to my handy work.

I checked my phone for the time real quick and I noticed a text from Fitz

_Party at my house, bring the alcohol!_

I smirked before I replied

_Alright, see you soon._

Tonight is going to be interesting.

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I arrive to the party. The music was exploding from the house; I could have sworn the walls were shaking. Girls were grinding on boys and other girls. Red cups were everywhere. I laughed at the teenage wasteland in front of me. I smelled weed from one corner and I noticed some kids taking heroin in another corner. Each corner is a different "station" of self-destruction. It's a sick system Fitz and I thought of to keep the peace. I was about to go over to the drinking area. I don't really touch the pills or drugs; I favor the alcohol the best. I am a big fan of weed though. I felt the same familiar skinny arms snake around my waist. I close my eyes and breathe in.

"Imogen" I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear over the beating music. Poor girl, I use her for meaningless sex and her and I both know this isn't going anywhere yet she still comes. I am a sick fucking bastard. How dare I use this girl? But she and I both use each other for our own different intentions. She looks so similar to Julia…..

"Elijah Goldsworthy." Imogen chimed in a singy-song voice.

I flinched involuntary at the sound of my voice.

"It's Eli, Imogen." I corrected her.

I saw the odd girl with two high pigtails make a frown but she quickly began with her smiling face.

The need to drink began to burn my throat. I look around for Fitz; I looked at the pill section knowing him….

"Looking for Fitzgerald?" Imogen smiled as I escaped from her touch. It's crazy how this girl knows everything.

I nervously cough,

"He's with Jake Martin and his girlfriend. I guess they got some cocaine and they are in his room." Imogen pointed to Fitz's room.

Cocaine? Mhmm I wonder which one is the rich one in that trio. I know it's not Fitz so it must be Jake or his girlfriend.

"Imogen, will you do me a favor?" I turned to look down at the skinny girl.

"Of course." She said extremely peppy.

"Will you grab the alcohol from the hearse?" I trust this girl with my car but not with my black heart. I did not have to get the keys for her because my car is always unlocked…no one wants to steal a hearse.

"Of course." She repeated once again with the same peppy tone.

I watched her skip away in her two different shoes, I waited until she left and I went to Fitz's room. I opened the door without knocking, that's more my style.

"The fuck dude?" Fitz wiped his noise, I smirked. Fitz noticed it was me and his mood completely changed. I noticed the white powdery lines set up.

"Eli! Come sit down, this is Jake and his girl…Clara."

I honestly didn't give a shit so I wasn't planning on even turning but I gave Jake a head nod. I could tell he was tall even though he was sitting down, he waved his hand as he went back down to snort some more. I turned back to Fitz to talk to him but then I heard the most pleasant voice with a hint of sass,

"It's Clare." The only female in the room chimed. I looked at the source of the noise.

She seriously was so angelic looking. Her brown ringlets of curls ended above her shoulders. Her pink lips were full and pink. This girl had the most stunning blue eyes. It literally took my breath away from me. She looked so out of place in a scene like this. Our eyes meant and I could feel the pit of my stomach have an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. I noticed her cheeks flushed pink and the unfamiliar feeling became more dominant.

"Eli." I smirked at her. I noticed Clare roll her eyes at my tone…she's got an attitude.

"It's your turn, Babe." Jake said he gulped down the remaining of his beer.

"I'm going to pass." Clare stated confidently I saw right through her she didn't belong here, and that's good. She deserves to be anywhere but here.

"Awhh Babe!" Jake's pupils were dilated. Jake continued,

"You should try it, I feel greeeeaaaaattt." he imitated Tony from Tony the Tiger cereal commercials, Clare let out a small giggle, I tried to suppress a smile from creeping on my lips from the sound of her laughter.

"Are you chickening out, _Saint Clare_?" Jake taunted her. Fitz was already snorting another line.

I noticed Clare flinch at the sound of her nickname. Only for a moment I noticed her eyes flicker with pure pain then they blinked back into her confident persona. She smiled as she got up and straddled where Jake sat and she kissed him passionately I awkwardly looked away at the sight of them. I felt a sting of jealousy punching my stomach. I have no right. Clare arches her back as he places his hands around her ass. Clare pulled Jake closer then she pushed him away.

"Would a saint do that?" Clare mocked. Her voice was so sultry and sexy. Clare climbed off of him as she gulped down the rest of her drink. Jake had a happy look on his face. He's one lucky son of a bitch.

"Go fill up my drink, Babe." He ordered her; I shot him a glare at the way he just orders Clare around. Clare get ups obediently. I watch as she gets up. Her perfectly curved body moved side to side. I gulped at the sight of her. If she did to me what she did to Jake…

"Nice meeting you…but this is my cue to get some alcohol in me." I announced but the two boys were busy adding more lines.

"Are you coming?" her voice kept her confident tone.

"Coming….Clara." I smirked as I opened the door for her. Clare's eyes glared at me.

"Well aren't you so clever?" she sarcastically said as she walked outside. I shut the door behind me.

"The night is young…I have just begun with my smartass remarks" I turned to look at her I glanced at her eyes but I honestly couldn't stare at it too long without my knees going weak.

I could honestly say I can hate this girl for making my body have these reactions around her. She has too much control over me and I despise her for that.

"You are right about one thing; Eli…The night is young." She paused as we finally made it to the kitchen.

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**Okay I want to dig deeper into writing more darker….so be prepared for that.**

**This is going to be a short story probably like 5 chapters maybe less maybe more.**

**It's going to be rated M for language/drug use / slight sexual content**

**I hope you enjoy.**

**Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

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Clare

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"Coming….Clara." That boy filled with mystery curved his bow like lips into a smirk. I gave him a glare which made his smirk grow wider.

"Well aren't you so clever?" I quickly retorted to this

"The night is young…I have just begun with my smartass remarks" he sarcastically added.

He looked at me straight on and I could help but admire him once again. His dark ravened color hair emphasized his emerald eyes. I was memorized by them I looked away awkwardly because I couldn't handle his gaze.

"You are right about one thing; Eli…The night is young." I mimicked his smirk and he knew it. We arrived to the kitchen.

Eli stepped closer to me. My heartbeat came even more erratic. His proximity was too close and I was losing my confidence.

He whispered into my ear,

"Trying to steal my style, Clare?" I felt chills run down my back from his velvet voice that spoke so clear and assertive.

I had to win the upper hand once more. I couldn't let him take this much control of me. I got on my tippy toes as I wrapped my arm around his neck. I wonder if he felt the same rush that went through my whole body. He must have because I felt him shiver under my touch. His eyes widen as I leaned closer and closer to his lips….I felt him lean in, I almost gave in.

I wanted so bad to taste him there was no denying that at all. I wanted to get the advantage back on my side with our friendly fight. I saw him close his eyes but I pulled away.

I could almost hear the disappointment from Eli. I whispered into his ear in my most seductive voice I could muster,

"We both know I wear that little smirk of yours way better." I reached over and grabbed the beer on the counter I practically pinned him against. I pulled away from him but I looked over to Eli as I wore a victorious grin.

Suddenly I felt him grab me until we were in a halfway away from everybody. We were completely alone. I couldn't think or process what was going on for a second I was caught off guard. I looked into Eli's eyes they were darkened with lust. I felt him pin me against the wall. I smirked at his roughness; he picked me up as I wrapped my legs around him. He grinded up his hips on me, I pushed my chest on him. I wasn't going to give in and kiss him first. We were challenging each other.

I have cheated on Jake only after he cheated on me about the first couple times. I know two wrongs don't make a right. But that's how Jake and I relationship is.

Eli's hand held onto my sides and his hands began to roam my chest I let out a few moans. He seemed to be even more turned on by that because his touch became rougher. I put my lips on his cheek. I couldn't take it any longer. My lips needed to be on his I didn't care anymore if I lost this small challenge I needed him.

Why the fuck am I so dependent on this boy? I don't even know his last name. I feel like his a new brand of drug and I could use him for my own sick pleasure.

Abruptly our lips were connected. I couldn't tell who gave in first but right now I didn't care. My insides were exploding with fireworks from the feeling of our lips on one another. I got down from Eli's hips and his tongue explore my mouth and I felt him start to kiss my neck and his kisses trailed down to my chest which he pulled the top of my shirt under my bra.

I honestly didn't care if anyone found us.

"Want to go to my car?" his voice was all horsed I held onto the hem of his black jeans. I nodded vigorously but then I realized how eager I made myself so I controlled my nod. Eli noticed and he laughed.

"That was cute…" he smirked.I haven't been called cute in a while I don't know why this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when he said this. I am used to be called sexy and hot, not being conceited but I just hang out with a lot of scumbags. I am just used to it. We started to walk towards his car. We both grabbed 2 bottles.

That's disgusting….when did I became such a floozy? I have started to realize how much I hate myself….

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Eli

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I cannot believe this is happening, Clare I and started drinking and then we drove off to a secluded area. We talked the whole way turns out she is a big fan of dead hand. She was chugging down the beers though. I have had many one night stands but for some reason I felt different towards Clare. I parked the car and we went to the back and we went back to kissing.

Kissing Clare honestly was a whole different experience. She made time sit completely still and made it move at a 100 mph at the same time. Is that possible?

I haven't even thought about…..Julia. I pulled away to catch some air. Clare chugged down more of the vodka. I shocked this little girl could hold that much liquor.

Julia.

How could I forget her? I am a selfish asshole.

"Can we take a breather?" I had to have a drink of something I need to forget about how I committed murder.

I felt Clare's eyebrows crease in confusion. I kissed her soft sweet lips to reassure her I still want her. I felt her smile against my mouth.

I grabbed the bottle Imogen must have forgotten to grab. I started gulping it down. Clare finished most of the bottle. A part of me wanted to tell her to calm down but who am I to talk.

"Eliiiiiiiiiii, I love your eyes." Clare slurred, she was wasted. I laughed at her, she still looked beautiful.

"Look who's talking, angel." I touched her soft chin.

"I am not an angel!" her voice was barely audible but I understood her.

I knew it would be pointless to argue with a drunk.

She continued,

"God hates me, Eli." Tears began to fill her dilated eyes. Impossible I couldn't find it possible for anyone to hate her. But then I realized I hate her for making feel this way towards her.

"There is no God." I shrugged. I noticed the way her eyes started to fall down her cheeks. I immediately wanted to take my words back.

"Clare, stop crying its fine." I felt awkward. She threw herself on me and she laid on me crying. I automatically put my hand on her back. She lifted her head towards me. Clare is an emotional drunk, that's for sure.

Julia used to be a violent and mean drunk she used to hit me, for her being a petite girl. Julia left bruises on my arms. I never hit her back no matter how drunk I got. I remember wanting to though she made me so mad. I had to push her off of me most the time and hold her away. Her brown eyes clouded my vision; the alcohol must be kicking in for me finally.

Abruptly the brown eyes were overpowered by the dazzling blue eyes in front of me. A tear was stuck on her eyelashes. Clare wiped it quickly. I let her hold me; I wanted to push her off. But I needed her in my arms. What? I don't need anyone.

She can't have the same fate as Julia. I leaned down to kiss her. She tasted like alcohol. I pulled away, her cheeks flushed pink.

"I remember…. This one… day in high school…. where I was trapped in a…corner in the locker room… by a…. group of boys." Clare's voice slurred most of the sentence but I could still understand her speech. She also is a sharing drunk I picked up. I held her closer to me.

She continued her story,

" Asher was the main guy in charge. He always bullied me….." Clare's expression was unreadable at least her speech improved more. I felt this hatred towards this Asher even though I have never meant him I hated his

" Him and his gang of Neanderthals…. They surrounded me and started laughing at me and chanted to me…Saint Clare… over and over again." Clare started to look out the window. I wanted to bash the heads of each person.

" Asher then started to touch me in front of everyone. I remember crying ." I held her I don't care about anything but in that moment I wanted to protect her.

"Then I meant Jake and he introduced me drugs and it helped me forget….." Clare passed out in my arms before she finished.

"Clare? Clare? Clare?" I shook her gently to wake her up. She didn't move; she was passed out from the alcohol.

I wanted to hold her until she couldn't feel any more pain. I knew that was the reason for why she is the way she is. I know if she wasn't drinking she wouldn't have shared that with me.

She had this innocence about her….minus her drunken state. She doesn't belong in this world of self-destruction like me. I moved a piece of hair out of her face. I remember I have a blanket in the back of the car. I sigh, as I think about how I am going to retrieve this blanket.

I discreetly lift her off of me. She was knocked out. I open went to the trunk and I got out a blanket. I have everything in this hearse. If the world were to be taking over in a zombie apocalypse, I could survive for a couple of weeks. I smirk to myself as I back my hold spot with Clare resting in my arms.

I grabbed the drink on the floor and I gulped down my poison to help me forget. I realized I really didn't need to drink to help me forget about Julia just being around Clare helps me forget. I shut my eyes and pulled the blanket more over Clare. I let the power of sleep take me over. Sleep is also another escape for me. It brings me back to my nightmares…..

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